Christmas is the holiday for joy and cheer. I love that my house if fully decorated and smells of Christmas. I love that I can listen to Christmas music non-stop during the day and I love that this time of the year brings out the best in otherwise hurtful and hateful individuals. Christmas is also rather depressing for those of us suffering from infertility. Why? Because this time of year everyone is posting their pictures on facebook of their little ones dressed in their cute Christmas best or posting comments about how they will be spending their first Christmas as a family with their new baby. And so on and so forth...And while I'm happy for those that have had a joyous year and have been blessed with a baby, I'm also extremely angry and jealous.
The first Christmas without a baby came and went, the second Christmas (last year) came and went as well but at that point we already knew what was beginning in January 2011. This year, Christmas is just plain depressing! A whole year has passed and again we are with out a baby, without a complete family and no idea what lies in 2012. So we are making the best of what we can, enjoying as much as the holiday we can in hopes that 2012 will bring a year of joy and cheer and that next Christmas will be our special Christmas.
The adoption process as I mentioned before is an uneventful process unless your matched or close to being placed. We are now beginning month 3 of this journey and the only nibbles we have had are from my networking with a facilitator in California were cases neither one of us were certain were the best for us and for our family. A high price tag and a very spotty past of the mother and an unknown birth father are hard pills to swallow. :/ So we continue to wait. I'm trying my hardest to remain optimistic and often find myself breaking down in tears. I question my emotional and mental strength. Can I continue down this path? Sometimes I wonder if God is listening...does he hear the pain in my voice, the sadness in my heart? When will it be our turn?
In the meantime...we wait, we continue to pray, we continue to hope that we will have our turn and will be blessed with a beautiful baby.
No comments:
Post a Comment