What Every *Prospective* Parent Should Complete...

In my previous post, I was confused and conflicted at the prospect of adoption. Waking that next morning I realized that my emotions were stemmed from the recent announcement of a "facebook friends" pregnancy and the fact that it seemed like everyone I'm surrounded by is lucky enough to conceive and share their joy with the world. I was jealous and envious of what they have. I am happy to announce that my doubts are no longer there, and we are continuing on our path.

This coming Wednesday, Jeff and I have two very important meetings. The first is with the adoption agency we are applying to and the second is with the RE, to discuss what went wrong and to hear his insights about our future chances with IVF. Both should be very interesting as we are closing one chapter of our story and beginning the next...

We received our Home Study Packet to get a head start collecting the items needed. The home study process can take 6 to 8 weeks to complete and includes all of the following:

1. Local/State/Federal Background Checks

2. Fingerprinted by the FBI

3. Income Statements

4. Medical Physical

5. 5 Letters of Recommendations

6. Employment Verification

7. Biographical Information of both adoptive parents to include information on your family relationships, childhood, marriage, views on child rearing, education, community and religion and how all of this will effect your new soon to be child

8. Good Moral Character Affidavit

9. The list continues...and continues...

It is absolutely mind boggling at the amount of information we have to gather and put together just for the home study. They even inspect your home! It is crazy that only adoptive parents endure this...all prospective parents should have to do this. I think it would solve and prevent certain individuals from parenting.

So next week I will begin looking into the background checks and fingerprinting and will be scheduling our physicals. At least I don't have to track down Birth Certificates or Marriage Licenses...Bonus!

I've even started on our "Dear Birth Mother Letter" or adoptive parent profile. I'm excited to see how it will turn out. :) Jeff is thrilled that I am super organized and enjoy filling out paperwork...because for the next several months there will be no shortage. 

Happy Friday!

Conflicted...

Back from a restful relaxing week on the beach...wanting desperately to go back, the ocean is so soothing! It was so nice to have family in town and to spend quality time with each other. Makes me miss "home" more. The longer we are away the harder it gets...

I'm having a hard time getting back into the swing of things...both at work and at home. My mind has been in a million places. Before leaving for vacation Jeff and I contacted about 5 or 6 agencies to gather more information. And information we gathered. From that we have selected two that we are potentially going to apply to. Suddenly fear and doubt is creeping in my head and heart. Is this the right path? Should we try IVF again? Back and forth...back and forth. Such a big decision.

Tonight I feel lost and confused. Fear of the unknown is powerful.

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' Eleanor Roosevelt

A Little R&R

"The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time." Abraham Lincoln

This week we are headed to the beach! I can't remember the last time I spent an entire week at the beach. It truly is one of my favorite places. Something so peaceful about the sound of the ocean. The air is cleaner and I always feel so refreshed.

A week away from work, our house, adoption plans and little to no responsibilities! 

Everyone have a great weekend and week ahead. Take time each night to reflect on your day, count your blessings and take a little time for yourself. We all deserve a little R&R!

Love 
Jennifer :) 

Let the research commence!

First off I would like to thank everyone for their warm and positive responses to Jeff and I's path. We feel truly blessed to have the support of our friends and families and forever grateful to have you in our lives.

A little over a week ago we met with a consultant who shared some input and advice to the process of adoption. She shared with us advice on our budget, birth mom situations and how she feels certain factors about us are positive attributes to a "quick" match and placement with a baby. After our meeting we decided that before choosing whether or not we would use her services, we would do research ourselves to see if we could be our "own" consultants.

Many may wonder what an Adoption Consultant does and how it benefits the adoptive parent. Consultants are not placing agencies and are not legally allowed to place a child. They simply serve as a guide to the ins and outs, and serve as support for the adoptive parent through the process. In our case, the consultant we found does several things. She a.) walks you through and educates you about the adoption process including which states are safest to adopt from, rights of the adoptive parents and rights of the birth mom or family b.) assists you on your adoptive parent profile to make it the most appealing to the birth mom c.) puts together for you a custom adoption plan and puts you in contact with agencies and lawyers who prefer only to work in those states d.) once with an agency, will work with you on determining whether or not a "match" is safe. All of these services come with a fee, a fee we are not sure about spending. I guess this decision will be made once we receive all the information from the local agencies. In my opinion, another set of eyes, ears and shoulder to lean on are never a bad thing, just how much you want to pay for this is another question. 

So for the last week, I've been obsessively researching and reading about local attorneys, agencies and the State of Florida adoption laws. I've been processing the information and sending it to Jeff who in turn calls these agencies requesting more information. Each agency that we have received information from is completely different from the next. Their differences range from their time frame to most importantly their cost. Each come highly recommended which makes the decision that more difficult. We are still waiting on a few more to get back with us before we can make a sound judgement call. We're nervous to make that leap, as you don't want to make the wrong decision. A wrong turn here, leaves your pocket book a little lighter and you a little further behind in the process. I believe our hearts will lead us in the correct direction!

Cheers!
Jeff & Jennifer

New Path and New Beginnings...

“Childhood is what you spend the rest of your life trying to overcome. That’s what momma always says. She says that beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it’s the middle that counts the most. Try to remember that when you find yourself at a new beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will…” -Birdee from the film Hope Floats

For over 2 1/2 years Jeff and I have been on what seems like the worst roller-coaster ever. A ride I like to call "The Quest for Baby K." A ride with the worst turns, twist and drops and very little excitement. The year 2011 was going to be our year. Little did we know, our path was already determined and what we were about to endure was going to be difficult and painful and would push us to the point of giving up, losing hope. 

We began our year in a clinician's office surrounded by other hopeful IVF'ers, willing to give up their days, nights and weekends to be controlled by calendars, appointments, injections and pills with no guarantee of a baby. Hell, no guarantee that our bodies (the mother's to be) would even respond to all this stimulation. We practiced prepping our injections with saline solution and learned how to administer the injection on a rubber and foam stress ball. *Which by the way does not offer the same resistance or pain associated with sticking yourself with a needle.* We listened closely to every word uttered from the nurses mouth, fearful we would miss something that could potentially halt all of our efforts. We came home, overwhelmed and nervous, we couldn't believe that this was where we were at. For the next two months, we were troopers! Jeff became a pro at giving shots and my stomach got use to the twice daily injections (with minimal bruising I might add!) Our hope was deflated when the nurse called with our results and the dreaded words were uttered..."I'm sorry, you're not pregnant". You would think that after all this time I would be use to those words, however after receiving pictures of your perfect tiny embryos, all you can think about is it will work this time. 

 A sadness came over me  that I never experienced and I became bitter and more angry at the situation. Fortunately for me, I have the most loving and supportive husband. He made me see the silver lining, our time was not done, we had two frozen embryos waiting in the wings. We were given a second chance. Taking some time off, we began phase ? ( i forget what phase we are at) on our quest for Baby K in the summer. Things were so much better this time, our minds were clear and focused and I didn't have to endure the countless medications and doctors appointments. Things felt different. It was as if the stars were aligned and our shining moment was about to be reviled. That moment came, "Hi Jennifer it's Ashley from Dr. S's office. I have great news, you're pregnant, congratulations!" Though my instant tears, came disbelief as I responded with ''Your kidding, right?" I couldn't wait to get off the phone and call Jeff. The need to be embraced by him was overwhelming. We did it! We were going to have a baby! For the next week, I analyzed every cramp and discomfort and Jeff became obsessed with my well being. All of our hard work paid off and we weren't going to let anything get in the way! We told only those we trusted and hoped we would be able to keep our secret until our first sonogram...two weeks away!

One week and one day later, hope came crashing down again. This time at a force that no one should endure. I miscarried at 5 1/2 weeks. My whole world stopped. My heart shattered into a million pieces. In that one week I fell in love with that tiny being and suddenly it was gone. And the dream of ever becoming a "Mommy" quickly disappeared. Forced to bed rest, all I did was cry and agonize over why God chose this for us. What did we ever do to deserve this pain?


At the end of that week still devastated and heartbroken, Jeff and I begin discussing our next plan of action. Adoption would be our next plan. In that moment, a calm settled over our house and in our hearts. Our path had become clear and I understood why we had to endure, what it is we had to endure. Our journey to this point was to teach us more about our inner strength, as well as the strength of our marriage and love for each other. Jeff and I were destined to be mommy and daddy and adoption was going to give us that opportunity.


This blog is a way for Jeff and I to share our thoughts and to give our friends and family an opportunity to see our path to bringing a baby into our house. I hope that this gives everyone some peace of mind in our decision and answers any questions you might have a long the way. The relationships with our family and friends are our cornerstone to building our little family. Our new path and new beginning is going to be trying and scary at times. Your support and understanding with help us get through. And our baby, whatever race and whatever gender will be forever thankful!


Hope will float again!


Love,


Jennifer