It's been a while

Wow, I can't believe we are already into February! January was over in a blink. Things have been crazy busy with "normal" day to day that I haven't had much time to write and update. The last time I wrote was a very frustrating day to say the least, and I've had many more since then.

Since then we have the signed, approved home study in hand. It feels good to finally have that and it gives us the opportunity to seek situations without feeling like we have to rush some of the paperwork or pay extra. Other than that, all is quiet as usual. Last week, through chance, we were able to forward our profile to an expectant mother.Though we haven't heard whether she chose us or not, at least we can say our profile has been seen. The situation seemed ideal however the other shoe fell and we learned more about her family medical history and her past and current situation that if selected we aren't necessarily comfortable with taking the risk. I know...we want a baby...bad, but if it doesn't feel right, it doesn't feel right. You can only hope and pray that there is a family out there that is right for the little one.

While we continue to wait for that "right" situation, we did some research on the Catholic Charities here in our area and we might be joining their list of prospective parents. Also, I've been busy bugging Jeff about our nursery and at least getting a head start on the prep of the room. I've selected a theme and selected wall colors. I feel like if I keep working on this room and "prepping" for baby K's arrival that we will be rewarded sooner rather than later!

This week, I also hope to create a facebook page as a supplement to our online profile. Maybe through this form of networking we can identify a birth mother or someone who knows someone. Stranger things have happened.

This is why I haven't gave up...

Today has defintely been one of those days where the thought has crossed my mind several times to quit, move on and never look back...This quote sums up why I haven't given up...


Making the decision to have a child is momentous.  It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.  ~Elizabeth Stone

My desire to be a mom is strong, and the desire to love something so deep is stronger.

On a positive note our home study has been approved! A little under 3 months from start to finish.

Just praying that our little one is out there and that 2012 will be a blessed year for our family

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year

From our family to yours, we want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas & Happy New year! Cheers to 2012, may each of you (and us) be blessed with a great year and many joys! :)

Hope to get back to writing once we get pass the holidays!

Jen

I love & hate this time of year...

Christmas is the holiday for joy and cheer. I love that my house if fully decorated and smells of Christmas. I love that I can listen to Christmas music non-stop during the day and I love that this time of the year brings out the best in otherwise hurtful and hateful individuals. Christmas is also rather depressing for those of us suffering from infertility. Why? Because this time of year everyone is posting their pictures on facebook of their little ones dressed in their cute Christmas best or posting comments about how they will be spending their first Christmas as a family with their new baby. And so on and so forth...And while I'm happy for those that have had a joyous year and have been blessed with a baby, I'm also extremely angry and jealous.


The first Christmas without a baby came and went, the second Christmas (last year) came and went as well but at that point we already knew what was beginning in January 2011. This year, Christmas is just plain depressing! A whole year has passed and again we are with out a baby, without a complete family and no idea what lies in 2012. So we are making the best of what we can, enjoying as much as the holiday we can in hopes that 2012 will bring a year of joy and cheer and that next Christmas will be our special Christmas.

The adoption process as I mentioned before is an uneventful process unless your matched or close to being placed. We are now beginning month 3 of this journey and the only nibbles we have had are from my networking with a facilitator in California were cases neither one of us were certain were the best for us and for our family. A high price tag and a very spotty past of the mother and an unknown birth father are hard pills to swallow. :/ So we continue to wait. I'm trying my hardest to remain optimistic and often find myself breaking down in tears. I question my emotional and mental strength. Can I continue down this path? Sometimes I wonder if God is listening...does he hear the pain in my voice, the sadness in my heart? When will it be our turn?

In the meantime...we wait, we continue to pray, we continue to hope that we will have our turn and will be blessed with a beautiful baby.

Many thanks..

This year has been less than stellar for Jeff and I. But with Thanksgiving day tomorrow I wanted to say how thankful and blessed I am for the life I was given. I am thankful for my husband, my friends and my family. Despite infertility, I'm thankful for my health and know that I can conquer this disease. I'm thankful to be on our adoption path and know that God will bless us with a child. I'm thankful for all the support and love that everyone has given us and know that this support and love has made us stronger!

From our family to yours may you have a blessed Thanksgiving!

Love,
Jeff and Jennifer

Updates

Sorry for the delayed update. Busy with work and more work! :) 

Wednesday Jeff and I had our home study visit. I frantically spent the morning cleaning our house (even though we had it cleaned professionally the week before). I wanted to ensure that everything was in place and "perfect" for our social worker. Since this was the first time we were meeting, I wanted her to have the best "first" impression of us. We sat in our kitchen and talked about our application, what we are comfortable with, what led us to where we are and we went into further detail about our biographical statements. That was the hardest thing about the visit. It was almost like therapy having to explain your childhood etc. We survived! An hour and a half later we were wrapping up and she asked us to see where the baby would sleep. Besides the kitchen and the foyer that is the only room she saw. Oh well, at least I have a really really clean house! From here it will be about 2 to 3 weeks for her to write her report. As of now we know we have not been presented to any birth mothers, but she indicated we are still early in the process. She indicated that the process shouldn't be too horribly long (though that is easy for her to say...she's not the one waiting!)

Through the advice of our agency we were told to "search" for potential birth mothers or situations to speed up the process. The internet is a helpful tool, but you have to be weary of potential scammers. Last week we did find a situation of a baby that was to be born this week in Las Vegas. We contacted the agency and through our conversation with her decided that we would be presented. However, after continue discussion between Jeff and I we decided that this situation wasn't the best situation to take a risk on. We declined to be presented. It's amazing how close we were to having a baby, but know in our hearts that there more risks that could potentially lead to issues down the road. 

In the meantime, we are looking at other Florida agencies and national agencies pricing their programs and potentially will sign with an additional entity to get us exposed to more birth mothers. I continue to look on line and have added myself to newsletters with respected agencies in the industry for "hard to place" situations. 

We also have made progress in Baby K's room! We decided on the furniture and placed it on lay-way this week. This gives us time to pay it off and gives us the opportunity to have it delivered when needed vs having it in the room for months waiting for baby. :) 

Thank you again to everyone for their continued support, encouragement and love. It means the world to us and our future child. :)

From our house to yours we wish you a healthy and happy Thanksgiving! We are so thankful and blessed to have you all apart of our lives!

Love,

Jeff and Jennifer

Baby on the brain!

**Update** Home study has been rescheduled for November 16th. Will update next week once completed. On the bright side, we had our house cleaned yesterday and it looks great! Lets hope it stays that way! :)

This week we are scheduled for our home study! I'm so excited and nervous and hope that everything goes well. Just hoping for that phone call soon with good news of a match! All I can think about is baby stuff. Jeff and I went and looked at baby furniture and I think we found what we would like for the nursery. We've started our registry and have bought some small clothing (gender neutral) items. Some might say that it's too early, but we are expectant parents just like a pregnant couple would be. So why not start planning and purchasing! I know deep in my heart that this won't be a long process so why not be prepared. It makes me happy to have baby things around! :)

I'll update after our home study!

Love,
Jen