Last week I posted that Jeff and I turned down the potential for a baby born situation because of the cost associated with the adoption. Just few hours after that post we were contacted again, about the the same baby that they were able to come down in our range. (Don't get me started on how I feel about agencies and attorney's barter the cost of a child). Jeff and I agreed to the match and according to all parties involved she was committed to her decision and she would sign consent on Wednesday, allowing us to go to Ohio and bring the little girl home! However, the stars were never aligned for this to happen. Tuesday she was wavering on her decision and every day she needed "more time". By Friday, Jeff and I were so angry at the situation of having limited information and not being able to get a hold of those working for us that we kept going back and forth on whether or not we should back out. We decide to stick with it through the weekend and this morning we were told that they were "closing" the books on her and that she was deciding to parent. We're okay with it and know that it wasn't meant to be and that our baby is still out there. :) Our first match was a failure, however our outlook is good and know that with continued faith and support from our family we will prevail!
In the meantime we will continue down the path of preparing for the pending arrival, whenever it may be!
xoxo
Jen :)
Jeff and Jennifer
Love!
Monday, March 19, 2012
Monday, March 12, 2012
Rejecting and Being Rejected
The past week has been rough. Again we were presented and again we weren't chosen. Again, not meant to be. Today, we receive a call about a baby born last night and have to reject the offer because it's above our adoption budget. Damn!
It sucks, for lack of a better term, to be so close and to watch it float away. Saying no is never easy, especially when when you think ahead, this time next week I could have a newborn baby girl asleep in her room. Being said no to, is even harder! I equate the rejection of a birth mom choosing another family to seeing a negative on a HPT. It's THE WORST FEELING!!
Baby K are you out there??
It sucks, for lack of a better term, to be so close and to watch it float away. Saying no is never easy, especially when when you think ahead, this time next week I could have a newborn baby girl asleep in her room. Being said no to, is even harder! I equate the rejection of a birth mom choosing another family to seeing a negative on a HPT. It's THE WORST FEELING!!
Baby K are you out there??
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
When she doesn't pick you...
For the last 8 days Jeff and I have been anxiously awaiting news on whether or not a birth mother would be choosing us or the other family presented to her...she chose them...and suddenly I find myself wondering is there something wrong with us? Will we ever hear good news?
And while I know that this baby wasn't meant to be ours, and that Baby K is still out there...rejection is never easy.
"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts." Winston Churchill
And while I know that this baby wasn't meant to be ours, and that Baby K is still out there...rejection is never easy.
"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts." Winston Churchill
Monday, February 6, 2012
It's been a while
Wow, I can't believe we are already into February! January was over in a blink. Things have been crazy busy with "normal" day to day that I haven't had much time to write and update. The last time I wrote was a very frustrating day to say the least, and I've had many more since then.
Since then we have the signed, approved home study in hand. It feels good to finally have that and it gives us the opportunity to seek situations without feeling like we have to rush some of the paperwork or pay extra. Other than that, all is quiet as usual. Last week, through chance, we were able to forward our profile to an expectant mother.Though we haven't heard whether she chose us or not, at least we can say our profile has been seen. The situation seemed ideal however the other shoe fell and we learned more about her family medical history and her past and current situation that if selected we aren't necessarily comfortable with taking the risk. I know...we want a baby...bad, but if it doesn't feel right, it doesn't feel right. You can only hope and pray that there is a family out there that is right for the little one.
While we continue to wait for that "right" situation, we did some research on the Catholic Charities here in our area and we might be joining their list of prospective parents. Also, I've been busy bugging Jeff about our nursery and at least getting a head start on the prep of the room. I've selected a theme and selected wall colors. I feel like if I keep working on this room and "prepping" for baby K's arrival that we will be rewarded sooner rather than later!
This week, I also hope to create a facebook page as a supplement to our online profile. Maybe through this form of networking we can identify a birth mother or someone who knows someone. Stranger things have happened.
Since then we have the signed, approved home study in hand. It feels good to finally have that and it gives us the opportunity to seek situations without feeling like we have to rush some of the paperwork or pay extra. Other than that, all is quiet as usual. Last week, through chance, we were able to forward our profile to an expectant mother.Though we haven't heard whether she chose us or not, at least we can say our profile has been seen. The situation seemed ideal however the other shoe fell and we learned more about her family medical history and her past and current situation that if selected we aren't necessarily comfortable with taking the risk. I know...we want a baby...bad, but if it doesn't feel right, it doesn't feel right. You can only hope and pray that there is a family out there that is right for the little one.
While we continue to wait for that "right" situation, we did some research on the Catholic Charities here in our area and we might be joining their list of prospective parents. Also, I've been busy bugging Jeff about our nursery and at least getting a head start on the prep of the room. I've selected a theme and selected wall colors. I feel like if I keep working on this room and "prepping" for baby K's arrival that we will be rewarded sooner rather than later!
This week, I also hope to create a facebook page as a supplement to our online profile. Maybe through this form of networking we can identify a birth mother or someone who knows someone. Stranger things have happened.
Monday, January 9, 2012
This is why I haven't gave up...
Today has defintely been one of those days where the thought has crossed my mind several times to quit, move on and never look back...This quote sums up why I haven't given up...
Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth Stone
My desire to be a mom is strong, and the desire to love something so deep is stronger.
On a positive note our home study has been approved! A little under 3 months from start to finish.
Just praying that our little one is out there and that 2012 will be a blessed year for our family
Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth Stone
My desire to be a mom is strong, and the desire to love something so deep is stronger.
On a positive note our home study has been approved! A little under 3 months from start to finish.
Just praying that our little one is out there and that 2012 will be a blessed year for our family
Monday, December 19, 2011
Merry Christmas & Happy New Year
From our family to yours, we want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas & Happy New year! Cheers to 2012, may each of you (and us) be blessed with a great year and many joys! :)
Hope to get back to writing once we get pass the holidays!
Jen
Hope to get back to writing once we get pass the holidays!
Jen
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
I love & hate this time of year...
Christmas is the holiday for joy and cheer. I love that my house if fully decorated and smells of Christmas. I love that I can listen to Christmas music non-stop during the day and I love that this time of the year brings out the best in otherwise hurtful and hateful individuals. Christmas is also rather depressing for those of us suffering from infertility. Why? Because this time of year everyone is posting their pictures on facebook of their little ones dressed in their cute Christmas best or posting comments about how they will be spending their first Christmas as a family with their new baby. And so on and so forth...And while I'm happy for those that have had a joyous year and have been blessed with a baby, I'm also extremely angry and jealous.
The first Christmas without a baby came and went, the second Christmas (last year) came and went as well but at that point we already knew what was beginning in January 2011. This year, Christmas is just plain depressing! A whole year has passed and again we are with out a baby, without a complete family and no idea what lies in 2012. So we are making the best of what we can, enjoying as much as the holiday we can in hopes that 2012 will bring a year of joy and cheer and that next Christmas will be our special Christmas.
The adoption process as I mentioned before is an uneventful process unless your matched or close to being placed. We are now beginning month 3 of this journey and the only nibbles we have had are from my networking with a facilitator in California were cases neither one of us were certain were the best for us and for our family. A high price tag and a very spotty past of the mother and an unknown birth father are hard pills to swallow. :/ So we continue to wait. I'm trying my hardest to remain optimistic and often find myself breaking down in tears. I question my emotional and mental strength. Can I continue down this path? Sometimes I wonder if God is listening...does he hear the pain in my voice, the sadness in my heart? When will it be our turn?
In the meantime...we wait, we continue to pray, we continue to hope that we will have our turn and will be blessed with a beautiful baby.
The first Christmas without a baby came and went, the second Christmas (last year) came and went as well but at that point we already knew what was beginning in January 2011. This year, Christmas is just plain depressing! A whole year has passed and again we are with out a baby, without a complete family and no idea what lies in 2012. So we are making the best of what we can, enjoying as much as the holiday we can in hopes that 2012 will bring a year of joy and cheer and that next Christmas will be our special Christmas.
The adoption process as I mentioned before is an uneventful process unless your matched or close to being placed. We are now beginning month 3 of this journey and the only nibbles we have had are from my networking with a facilitator in California were cases neither one of us were certain were the best for us and for our family. A high price tag and a very spotty past of the mother and an unknown birth father are hard pills to swallow. :/ So we continue to wait. I'm trying my hardest to remain optimistic and often find myself breaking down in tears. I question my emotional and mental strength. Can I continue down this path? Sometimes I wonder if God is listening...does he hear the pain in my voice, the sadness in my heart? When will it be our turn?
In the meantime...we wait, we continue to pray, we continue to hope that we will have our turn and will be blessed with a beautiful baby.
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